Mildly Upset with Scattered Rain Showers

Rejection has effectively stopped looming, and has finally hit the stores. I know I'm supposed to be reeling. I am. Apart from that, there are a few forced stark realizations that I need to eventually come to terms with.

Bad days have that tendency of bringing to surface larger problems. It really isn't fair that bad days are the handiwork of a ravenous pack of problems, while good days are made by highlights. There's something skewed about human perception right there. I suppose if I waited for that benevolent band of a pleasant series of events, I might never have had a good day. The thing is, I haven't had a good day, where I didn't need to disregard a massive disappointment to enjoy it.

While I tried to resolve as much unfinished business in my head, I went over several things that I might never find out.

- what the hell went wrong?
- what was she expecting?
- was there anything I could have done?
- do I have time for this?
- does she have time for this?


It's like picking at an new wound. Mandate of maleness says I choke back all emotion until I explode. No harm done there.

Couple of easy questions that'll never see the light of day.


On a more irritating note, in an effort to console myself, I bought a new pair of Altec Lansing headphones. After negotiating the uncooperative packaging like a madman (with tooth and nail-cutter), i found that the right ear didn't work. Following these mild frustrations, would be a slew of obscenities, that if they were censored, would sound like a space battle from Star Wars. I wanted to go for a jog this morning, with a renewed void in my chest and a new pair of headphones. But no. So I realize, the powers that be would have it no other way.

It's good to know I can still hurt like this. It's not something that I wanted to experience again soon. But hell, it's there and I'm curious, how much more will it hurt before I find someone to love again.

"It's the little things that seem to be saving me today" - Mindy Smith, Down In Flames