I don't celebrate Christmas...

... so have a merry life. Not too merry, so put that joint down.

I spent the night of the 25th with my family at Fridays. After a wonderful meal, I felt the need to fix my braces (I lost a bracket and have to tackle two loose ends of wire, so I have to fix it to keep them from impaling my inner cheeks).

When I went into the washroom, a kid was with his dad. His pants were down and he was drying... the front of his brief. I said absolutely nothing. I went about fixing my braces and they left.

This kid came in and gave me a mean stare, so I responded with an apologetic look, while still fixing my braces. He said "DIDGUSTING!" and left after washing his hands. I pitied him. I don't know why.

I have since thought of things to have said, esprit de l'escalier (spirit of the stairs in Fraunch, look it up):

5. You mean bastard! You're adopted!

4. If you carry on like that, you're gonna die old and friendless.

3. You must still have grandparents. (the mean kind)

2. Just wait 'til you find out you're gay.

1. You want to need braces? 'Cuz I can help you with that.