Putting Yourself OUT THERE

It's tough. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is one thing. Hoping against all odds that someone decides to take it, is another.

Meeting women is fine and dandy. Conversation is always great. Moving from hi-hello to you look great is a careful sprint between moments that might or might not mean anything. Right now, I'm taking that sprint.

Five minutes say I'd like to see you again. I'd like hear your voice again. Mostly, I'd like to get to know you. Speed dating is iffy that way. But five minutes is enough time for you to get in, smile, and get out, before you get in your own way.

I sincerely hope I didn't mess anything up at this point. I'm going out with someone I met, last Friday, on Friday. That's a full week after five minutes. I wasn't able to reply to one of her messages. I was carting. Hopefully, she fell asleep on me. And I dearly hope she's not pissed.

I'm paranoid about this sort of thing because I've been in a relationship before. Women have the largest tendency to be pissed about nothing. This usually happens in one of two situations, (a) when she's comfortable enough to be pissed around you, hence the freedom to get pissed at you and (2) when she needs an excuse to purge you from her life. I've encountered both situations well enough to know that this sort of thing strikes like lightning on a sunny day.

Right now, I really don't care about the consequences. I desperately need somebody to care about, it doesn't matter if I end up on the wrong side of the frying pan. Right now, I'm writing, the way someone else would pray. I'm hoping to high heavens that this works out. I'm begging, to nowhere in particular, for the composure to make this happen, and the sense not to overdo it.

Earlier this late evening, a friend described happiness. He said it was like peeing in your pants. Everybody can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. It's true. Happiness can be pretty embarrassing. But I sincerely hope to be able to put that smile on somebody's face and bask in the spectacle of that someone unhindered amusement (I was going to say naked pleasure, but that message shoots too far off)

Really, those are the surprises I look for. Those little signs of happiness. Broadening smiles, eyes lighting up and the many other facets of female happiness. I'd like to see that. Especially those trademark tells, like crinkling noses and lip biting and toe curling and triumphant conservative fist shaking.

Ria is a pretty enough girl, 21, an English teacher at Xavier. her social life is 'blah' and she's looking to have fun. Her course was an unexpected roller coaster that shot her out and she's been shaping young minds since. Five minutes. I greeted her with this paraphrasing: "You don't look like someone who needs to go to these sorts of things." She wore a purple top and jeans. She has beautiful eyes and lips.

My name is Chris, and...