On how beautiful music is really sadder than it first seems...

[...and simply how much more beautiful it is than you thought it could ever be]





I heard a song on the radio today, and like most songs I end up thoroughly loving, I just had to get a copy. And like most songs I first hear, whose lyrics I'd only then heard, whose titles and artists still escape me at the goodbye kiss of the last few notes, I search them out from what I remember of the chorus.

... and I know I know I wasn't right, but it felt so good
... and your mother didn't mind, like I thought she would
... and an REM song was playing in my mind

... three and a half minutes felt like a life time

like most songs about that topic, it 'tugged at my heart' beyond and deeper than most other songs really should and ever ought to. It felt so soft and warm when I first heard it. That only gave my soul up to the sorry heartbreak that only the first few verses I missed (while changing channels) and the last few verses I overlooked (memorizing the chorus lyrics) could deliver.

...Allie woke up, 8 am, graduation day
...Got into a car, and crashed along the way.

...When we arrived late, to the wake
...Stole the urn while they looked away
...And drove to the beach, 'cause I knew you'd want it that way

the song was a flashback - in the memory of a lover at the dusk of innocence. Nothing beats the remorse for a dawn that never fully shone, or love that never trully blossomed or anything, for that matter, that we mourn for a death at conception.

...And I went to my room, played that disc that you'd given me
...And I shut my eyes, swear I could hear the sea
...When we were standing on the hood of you car, singing out loud when the sun came up

It's when you hear songs like these that you wish you'd have gotten to know the one for whom it was written, if only to stem the tightness curdling in the vicinity of your heart. For Allie, it is a sincere wishful thought that I conjure, where you trully enjoyed those beautiful moments and that your life, while short, was full. And for BETTER THAN EZRA, I thank you for skewing me away from some much needed study and allowing me to be depressed by the reminder that, at a month short of two years, I am, as yet, unable to fully express even the barest of the extent of my pent up affection for its sole object. You know who you are and I know you think you know how I feel. The truth of the matter is, I miss you more than you can possibly imagine. My heart only still beats because of you.

...Are you sitting in the lights?
...Or combing your hair again
...And talking in rhymes?
...Are you sitting in the lights?